A Matter of Conscience
by Captain Luludee
Summary: What happens when you have trouble solving a problem? Why, the two warring sides of your conscience come out to play of course! The characters of TOS are no exception.
1. Compliments?

_A/N: Be prepared for randomness! This first chapter deals with Zelos. He learns the meaning of respect for women. Rated for mild language and suggestive themes._

_Dislaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia or any of it's elements._

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Zelos was used to a certain pain on his left cheek. It was a sharp, stinging pain, generally accompanied by a frustrated insult such as, 'You pervert!' or 'You nasty little bastard!' This pain was always inflicted by the hand of one woman; a feisty ninja who did not enjoy being subjected to what Zelos thought of as flattery. Today was no exception.

"You pervert!"

Zelos sighed and rubbed the offended area on his cheek, wincing as he felt the sting.

"Dammit woman! Why can't you ever take a compliment?" Zelos yelled after Sheena, who was now stomping angrily away.

Zelos sat down in a huff of frustration, his hand still on his cheek.

"Seriously, what could possibly be so insulting about complimenting a hunnie's rack? I will never understand why she doesn't just say, thank you."

"You're not serious, are you?" came a surprisingly high-pitched voice from no where.

"What the hell?" Zelos asked, looking around in surprise.

A small angel appeared in a puff of golden smoke on Zelos' right shoulder. He was dressed in a long white robe, and carried a small golden harp. A halo was suspended itself over his head.

"What the hell?" Zelos repeated.

"Women don't generally appreciate being degraded by lowlife scum such as yourself, Zelos."

" . . . Well that was harsh," Zelos replied.

"Are you just gonna let him talk to you like that, ya pansy?" came another, slightly deeper voice.

"Huh?"

A second puff of smoke revealed a small devil on Zelos' left shoulder. The devil was dressed in a tight red jumpsuit. Pointy black horns protruded from the top of his head, and in his hand was a long, three-pronged pitchfork.

"He just called you a lowlife scum," the devil chuckled.

"Yeah, wait, aren't you supposed to be an angel? Can you even do that?" Zelos asked.

"Only in extreme cases," the angel answered.

"Oh, that makes sense," Zelos nodded.

"Anyway, listen up you idiot, the reason I'm here is to tell you that you can't keep treating women the way you've been treating them. A woman is a treasure, not property."

"Hold on, can't you own a treasure?" Zelos asked.

"Well . . . yes."

"Then couldn't treasure be considered property?"

"The boy has a point," the devil cut in, "you know kid, every once in a while . . . you make me proud."

"Listen to me, you sexist pig! Women are not your property!"

"Oh, don't listen to him, Zelos. None of your hunnies ever complain about how you treat them, am I right? Am I right?" the devil asked with a grin, nudging Zelos' ear.

"Well . . ." Zelos said as he brought his fingers up to meet his chin.

"Listen to me, you two idiots! You're supposed to treat a woman like a Goddess, not like a piece of meat!" the angel said vehemently.

"Well you seem pretty touchy about it," the devil defended, "why do you care? It's not like you're a woman . . . or are you?" The devil snapped his fingers and smiled, "That explains the dress!"

"This is a robe, not a dress, you idiot."

"Oh sure, and that's an electric guitar," the devil said sarcastically, pointing to the harp in the angel's hand.

"You're one to talk! You look like you just stepped out of Brittney Spears' _Oops . . . I did it again _video," the angel countered.

"Who's Brittney Spears? And what did she do again?" Zelos asked.

"She played with your heart," the devil answered in musical tones.

"Got lost in the game," the angel sang along.

"Ooo baby, baby!" they sang together.

"Ahem," the devil cleared his throat, "Never mind, Kid. I think the pretty little fairy's just P.M.Sing over there."

"Wait a minute, you've given me an idea," Zelos said suddenly, a bright smile crossing his lips.

"What are you talking about, kid?" the devil asked.

"Well, you guys are like, figments of my imagination, right?"

"I suppose . . ." the angel agreed.

"Well, then, can't I make you whatever I want you to be?"

" . . . I don't follow you."

"I guess my real question is . . . can you guys be hot women instead of dudes?"

The angel sighed and hung his head while the devil laughed. Without a word, the angel was gone in a puff of smoke.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Zelos asked.

"Apologize to Sheena!" the angel's voice yelled.

"Well, there's not much point in me stickin' around if he's gone. Don't worry about apologies, kid, Sheena's gonna hate you no matter what you say," the devil said before he too departed in yet another puff of smoke.

"Dammit," Zelos sighed, "now I don't know what to do."

"Who are you talking to, Zelos?"

Zelos flinched and looked around him, wondering where the voice had come from this time.

"Uh . . . behind you."

Zelos turned, coming face to face with Raine.

"Oh! Just what I need, A woman!"

Raine recoiled cautiously.

"Back off, fruit loop! Don't get any ideas."

"No, no, no. I need your point of view."

Raine relaxed.

"Oh? What about?"

"Why can't Sheena take a compliment?"

"Your type of complements aren't the least bit flattering," Raine began, and seeing that Zelos was on the verge of protest, added, "to _normal_ women."

"Yeah that's exactly what that little white dude said. But the little red dude-"

"Zelos?" Raine interrupted, "What are you talking about?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing. I just don't understand what's so wrong with complimenting a woman's body. If a woman has a nice body, why can't I tell her so? And why are certain body parts off-limits completely, when others are fair game. I mean, if I had told Sheena she had nice eyes, sh-"

"Zelos! You're completely missing the point. Sheena needs to know that you think of her as more than a nice rack, or whatever term you kids are using these days. Telling her that is equivalent to telling her that you view her as nothing more than a sex object. Would you want Sheena to think of _you_ that way?" Raine asked.

The look on Zelos' face was enough to inform Raine that she had asked a stupid question.

"Never mind. Try to understand this: a woman does not enjoy being viewed as a sex object. She needs to know that you respect her."

"Can't I respect her _and_ view her as a sex object?"

Raine's response was simply to smack Zelos upside his head.

"Not the hair!" Zelos screeched, causing Raine to sigh and walk away.

"Dammit! I guess this means I have to apologize," Zelos sighed and began to look for Sheena. After a while he found her. The young ninja was sitting under a tree with her face buried in her knees.

_Crap! _Zelos thought. _Did I really make her cry?_

For the first time Zelos was able to see the consequences of his thoughtless words. Guilt pulsed through him like a heartbeat as he walked closer to Sheena.

"Sheena . . . are you crying?"

"Zelos! Wha- no! I'm not crying."

"But your eyes are all watery and you're sniffling."

"Well that's because-"

"No, Sheena, please. You don't have to pretend. I know that I hurt you-"

"Zelos, it's just my-"

"Sheena, please. You have to let me finish, or I'm never gonna get this out."

Zelos knelt down beside Sheena, coming to her eye level. He put his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Sheena . . . I'm sorry. I know that I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I honestly thought those things I said were compliments. I never thought that they hurt your feelings. I just want you to know . . . I respect you. And I don't just think of you as a sex object." Zelos paused and shrugged. "Well, I do a little, but in a _very_ respectful way."

"But . . ." Sheena sniffled.

"Oh, Sheena," Zelos pulled her into his arms, "please don't cry. I really am sorry."

"Uh . . . okay, Zelos."

"Are you gonna be okay?" Zelos asked as he pulled away.

"Sure," Sheena answered, a look of bewilderment on her face.

"Good," Zelos smiled, poking Sheena's nose playfully with his index finger before rising to his feet, "then I'll leave you alone."

Sheena watched in a cloud of confusion as Zelos walked away. She sniffed and rubbed her nose with her hand as two puffs of smoke appeared on each of her shoulders.

"Don't you think you should tell him that it was just your allergies?" Sheena's angel asked.

"Nah," her devil replied, "why ruin such a beautiful thing?"

Sheena nodded in agreement.

* * *

_I'm not really sure who the next chapter will be about yet. Honestly, this is just something that came out because I was extemely bored and couldn't think of anything better to write about. I'm planning on continuing it, but it might be a while._

_-The Captain_


	2. What It Takes To Be A Man

_A/N: Hello again! Thank you so much to the reviewers from last chapter. In practically every review it was requested that the next chapter feature Kratos. And so I decided to make this chapter about Raine._

_Hee, Hee, I kid! I couldn't say no to all you Kratos lovers, I am one myself. So here he is, the only man who can make purple sexy besides Shaft. Our favorite emotionally crippled badass himself: Kratos Aurion!! I hope you love it like a fat kid loves cake._

_Disclaimer:I don't own TOS._

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Kratos sat alone on a low tree stump. He was situated comfortably with one leg bent up to touch his chest. He rested an arm on his knee and his chin on top of it, while allowing his other leg to dangle. His eyes were squinted in a scrutinizing stare as he watched a young man stabbing a tree fiercely. Kratos slowly shook his head.

"Is that _really _what you call training, boy?" he asked, knowing Lloyd was too far away to hear him.

Kratos silently wished he had been allowed the opportunity to raise Lloyd. He had only recently discovered Lloyd was the son he thought he had lost so many years ago. He could still hardly believe it. How could Lloyd be his son when he was . . . the way he was? Perhaps if Kratos himself had raised him, Lloyd would have turned out . . . differently.

At that moment, the young man in question had accidentally gotten his sword stuck in the tree. He pulled angrily at the blade for several moments, but it would not budge. In a fit of frustration, Lloyd kicked the tree, causing pain to no one but himself. He hopped around holding his wounded foot in his hands until he lost his balance and toppled over, colliding with the tree. As he did, his sword was shaken loose, and falling, it him on the head.

. . . maybe not.

Kratos sighed, wishing he could find enjoyment out of the situation, but it really was just too sad.

How could_ he_ have created . . . _this?_

"Don't beat yourself up," a voice came out of nowhere, "children never really live up to their parent's expectations.

Kratos blinked and went shifty eyed, but said nothing.

"Does anything _ever _surprise you?" the voice asked as it's owner appeared in a puff of smoke on Kratos' right shoulder. The little angel was all dressed in white.

" . . . no," Kratos answered in monotone.

"Not even this?" another, much deeper voice with a strange accent, asked as a little devil appeared and poked Kratos in the ear with his pitchfork.

Kratos rolled his eyes and stared, irritatedly ahead.

" . . . not really."

"You're no fun!" the angel squeaked.

"Why are you here?" Kratos asked pointedly.

"I'm here to help you come to grips with the fact that Lloyd is you son, and help you on the way to a solid relationship with him," the angel said, gesturing animatedly as he spoke.

Kratos looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Next," he commanded.

The angel huffed and stomped his foot.

"_I'm _here to tell you that, little girlyman over there is not the son of the Great Kratos Aurion," the devil said, pointing a finger disdainfully in Lloyd's direction.

Kratos turned his head to the devil.

"What makes you say that?" he asked with interest.

"Didn't you hear me? He's a girl-e-man. How could you be the father of a girlyman? You're Kratos Aurion. You're more than 4,000 years old. You saved the world from annihilation. You kick ass without so much as blinking. You got moves like Usher. _You wear purple._"

"Real men _do_ wear purple," Kratos nodded.

"Exactly!So how could your offspring be that whiny, puny excuse of a man?"

"Just because Lloyd may be a little sensitive, doesn't mean he's any less of a man than you. I think sensitivity is the mark of a great man," the angel cut in.

The air filled with silence.

A cricket could be heard in the distance.

"Oh never mind," the angel sighed, "the point is, Lloyd _is_ your son, whether you like it or not, so why not make the most of it?"

Kratos sighed and hung his head.

"One night you drink a _little_ too much vodka and you end up being forced to . . . to," Kratos swallowed, "bond with another human being, just because you share the same D.N.A. Damn you, Yuan!"

"Yuan?" both the angel and the devil asked together.

"He challenged me to a drinking duel, the result of which was me waking up with a hangover and a strange woman lying in my arms," Kratos explained. "On the bright side . . . I won."

"Whoa, what happened to Yuan if _you _won?" the angel asked.

"Let's just say he was never the same again."

The devil laughed and slapped Kratos on the neck.

"And that's why _your _the real man!"

"I don't know anymore," Kratos sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if that," he pointed a finger in Lloyd's direction, "came from me . . . maybe I'm not the man I thought I was."

"That's not true. Ask anyone . . . look!" the devil said as Kratos heard movement beside him, "here comes that cute little angel chick. Ask her. Don't worry, no one can see or hear us but you."

"Oh hi, Kratos!" Colette greeted cheerfully in a voice Kratos often likened to nails on a chalkboard.

"Hello, Colette. Hey, quick question . . . do you, umm . . . hmm . . . how do I put this? Do I strike you as . . . manly?" he asked uncomfortably.

"Are you kidding? Of course, Kratos! Why, you're the hottest hunk of man-meat this side of Sylverant! I mean, every time I see you, I just wanna take a bite out of that deliciously juicy looking ass!" she replied with large, adoring eyes.

Kratos pursed his lips and blinked several times.

Once again, crickets were audible through the silence.

"Awkward," the angel said in a sing-song voice.

"Well, umm . . . thank you, Colette. That could have been a _bit _too much information, but . . . it's appreciated nonetheless." Kratos forced a smile.

"No Problem!" Colette beamed. "By the way, I wouldn't mind smackin' dat if you ever-"

"No thank you."

"Suit yourself," she shrugged before skipping innocently away.

"Watch out for that one," the angel whispered into Kratos' ear as they watched Colette disappear through the trees.

The slightly dazed swordsman nodded and shuddered.

"I'm really unsure whether that helped at all," he stated when he regained his composure.

"Horny little girls aside, you're both still missing the point," the angel said, throwing his arms up in a huff, "Lloyd is your son, Kratos, even if he isn't exactly manly. Perhaps if you tried getting to know him you would find that he has other redeeming qualities."

"I don't think that being the 'Village Idiot' counts as a redeeming quality," the devil laughed.

"Maybe he has skills you don't know about," the angel continued.

"Like what? Being the only person in the world who can stick 57 straws up his noes? . . . Actually, that would be quite impressive."

"Ugh, ignore the idiot. Maybe you could even rub some of your manliness off on him. It is a father's duty to help his son be the best man he can be, after all," the angel persuaded.

"I . . . suppose," Kratos replied.

"That's the spirit!" the devil cheered, "go make a real man outta that sorry excuse for a human being. And don't stop until he's as badass as Vin Diesel, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, and Michael Jackson dressed in black leather combined!"

"Umm . . . yeah, I'm not really sure what that means, but . . . that pep talk was top notch," Kratos remarked sarcastically.

"Hey, no problamo man. It's what I'm here for."

Kratos looked back and forth between the two sides of his conscience expectantly. They stared back with satisfied grins on their faces.

"So . . . aren't you going to leave now?"

"Oh no," the angel answered, "we have to stay and make sure-"

"Leave, Dammit!"

"Alright, alright! No need for that tone," the angel huffed before disappearing.

"Remember," the devil winked, "manly."

"Like I could forget," Kratos sighed when he was once again alone. Reluctantly, he began to walked toward his son.

A twig snapped under his feet, signaling his arrival to Lloyd. The young man looked up from his position beneath the tree.

"Hey Kratos," he said in a dejected manner.

"I see you've been . . . training," was the reply.

"Sort of."

Kratos stood awkwardly, at a loss for words.

After a few moments, he cleared his throat abruptly.

"Well, maybe I could, uh . . . help you out, a bit."

"Really? That would be amazing, Kratos!" Lloyd replied excitedly, jumping up from his spot.

"Whoa! Slow down there, Lulu. You're acting like an annoying little girl."

"Did you . . . just call me . . . Lulu?"

"That's right. I'll call you by a man's name if and when you earn the privilege. Right now, you're so filled with sunshine and rainbows that I actually might vomit. So pull it together and wipe that God forsaken smile off your pretty little face before I lose any ounce of respect I may have had for you. You got that, Stephanie?"

The ecstatic look on Lloyd's face was replaced by a look which was half-confused and half-frightened.

"Umm . . . I think so."

"You _think_ so?" Kratos repeated, stepping dangerously close.

"I got it."

"Good." The older of the two backed away slowly, drawing his sword. "Then hit me, Tina . . . if you can."

Lloyd swallowed hard and picked his sword up from the ground behind him. He charged Kratos, who effortlessly dodged before returning the attack, sending Lloyd hurling to the floor.

"Holy mother of pearl! OWWWWWWWW! Ow, ow. That seriously hurt. Am I bleeding? My soft and fragile body has been mutilated, you evil, evil little man," Lloyd whimpered.

"Oh, walk it off, Rosilita."

"I can't, it hurts. You totally gave me a boo boo!"

"Would you like me to kiss it better, Princess?" Kratos asked, mockingly concerned.

"Yes," Lloyd sniffed.

"OH . . . MY . . . GOD . . . are you . . . are you _actually_ crying?"

"No!" Lloyd sobbed, hiding his face.

Kratos hung his head in disbelief.

"Something tells me this is going to suck."

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_Review . . . pretty please? Or Kratos will start calling you Mildred. If that's your actual name . . . good LORD am I sorry for you._


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